A Good Support System
As parents, we want to help our kids grow up strong, healthy and happy. When alcohol and or drugs enter the picture, our plans, hopes and dreams can be hijacked, and we can be left feeling alone and helpless.
A good support system is essential to both the parents and the child that is abusing drugs or alcohol. It’s a good idea to review your network and identify those key people that would serve as supporters in troubled and stressful times before you really need them.
What should you look for in a “support” person?
While most of our friends and family members are willing to talk to us, they may not be the best choice for a support person. Here is a short list of “must haves” for an effective support person:
- A good listener
- Trusted - they will keep your confidences and secrets – and they will tell you the truth
- Wise and knowledgeable – when you are in a crisis situation, you need support from an individual that makes good decisions, has good judgment and is in control of their temper
- Available and dependable – you may have to call on this person at 2:00 AM – will they be available?
Support people can be found in friends, family members, professional counselors, doctors, clergy, teachers.
Your kids may need more than one or two people in their key support system. Most often kids think their current relationships are deeper and more significant than they really are. They have a “code of honor” with their peers and buddies that may prevent them from doing the right thing in certain circumstances. In addition to you, they need a few other trusted adult types to help them navigate the swirling waters of addiction.
You can help your child identify these key people by asking a few simple questions.
- Who do you know that won’t lie or cover up for you?
- Who do you know that would rearrange their schedule if you really needed to talk about using?
- Who is on your side when it comes to staying clean and sober?
There’s more questions and filters you can help them sift their choices through – but these are a good start. What questions would you ask? What qualities in a support person are important to you?
