When it comes to disciplining teens, you may experience a power struggle. Your teen’s irresponsible behavior can make them defensive because they do not want to take ownership or they feel like you are not on their side. There are tactics to help effectively end a power struggle or solve a problem. Reduce the “flack” that power struggles often cause through the FLAC Method, one of the effective strategies covered in the Active Parenting programs offered by DrugFreeAZKids.org.
Feelings
Limits
Alternatives
Consequences
Feelings – Listen and respond to your teen’s feelings. Showing empathy creates trust with your teen as they no longer see you as an enemy, but as an ally. Your acknowledgement of their feelings creates an understanding that the two of you are working together to find a solution to a common problem. This goes a long way toward defusing the power struggle while laying the groundwork for a win-win solution.
Limits – Another understanding that you and your teen should have are the limits of the situation as well as the good reasoning for those limits. Instead of saying, “because I said so,” try saying “because the situation calls for this.” Using logic after you have established a degree of empathy will make your teen less defensive.
Alternatives: Now that you have set the limits in an empathetic and logical way, brainstorm alternative solutions to a situation. The goal of problem-solving is not necessarily to find a solution that everyone is in love with, but rather one that everyone can live with. In order to achieve an agreed-upon solution, communicate that you do care about finding a solution. This will allow your teen to disengage from a struggle for power.
Consequences: If you have followed the first three steps, then this step may not even be needed. But, if your teen needs an extra measure of motivation to stay within your limits, then you should set consequences that logically fit the situation. These do not have to be harsh. The consequences are to remind your teen that they are responsible for their actions.
When used correctly, the FLAC Method will help solve your disciplining problems. Your teen will no longer feel as if their voice does not matter, which will allow them to let their guard down and see your reasoning.
