If you have a history of drug and alcohol abuse, you may find it difficult to talk to your kids about the dangers that those substances present. But, what if your teen asks you about your history of past drug use – what do you tell them?
If you would rather keep that part of your past private, you can do so while still opening up prevention conversations with your child. Respond gently to your teen’s question with another question. It might sound something like, “You sound concerned about drugs/alcohol. It’s very common for kids to start experimenting at your age. What have you experienced?”
If you do choose to tell your kids about your past drug use, proceed with caution. It is important to be aware that you can share too much information. While it is better to give an honest answer than no answer at all, understand that not all of the details of your past drug use need to be revealed.
Use your time of sharing as an opportunity to explain to your teen what you have learned. In regards to peer pressure you could say, “I tried drugs because some of the kids were experimenting, and I thought I needed to experiment to better fit it. However, I realized that was not a good reason to do it.” After bringing up the topic of peer pressure, this is a good opportunity to lead the conversation into a two-way discussion. Ask your teen if they have ever felt pressured like you did.
You can also approach the conversation by bringing up how it was a mistake that you tried drugs. One way of saying this is, “Everyone makes mistakes and trying drugs was a mistake I made. It made me do some dumb things. I look back and I don’t see anything good that came out of the experience. I love you too much to watch you repeat the bad decisions I made.” You can then open up the conversation to explain why it was a mistake.
It is important as you are sharing your experience to make sure you end up saying what you mean to say. If you do not want your child using drugs, make sure to communicate your wishes and give reasons, like drugs are dangerous, expensive, unpredictable, distracting, etc. In addition to communicating your requests, it is also important to ask plenty of questions to make sure it is a discussion rather than a lecture. Ask your teen if they discuss these topics with their friends, what they think of celebrities who use drugs and any other question to keep the conversation going. As they share their opinions, make sure to listen very calmly to their answers.
It is normal to be concerned about having this conversation with your teens, but you can turn your experiences into a teachable moment. Remember, in the big picture, this is not about your past; it is about your child’s future.
