Some thoughtful words to fathers from a dad on this Father's Day
by Bruce Sallan
Meet the Partnership’s Father’s Day guest blogger, Bruce Sallan. Bruce is the father of two teenage sons, 16 and 13; a columnist; and host of “The Bruce Sallan Show – A Dad’s Point-of-View” on KZSB AM1290 in Santa Barbara (or via live stream) Thursdays at 11am-12pm PST.
On this Father’s Day, I want to share my appreciation for my two sons – something I don’t do as often as I probably should. Like many of my fellow parents, I’m guilty of dishing out too many criticisms, admonishments and lectures. I worry of all the peer pressure-related stupidity that they might get into, like drugs and alcohol. In the midst of all my worries, I forget that my sons also deserve my support when they do well and my understanding when they slip up.
The other evening, my 16-year-old, Will, uncharacteristically bounded into my office, eager to talk. I pulled away from the hypnotic lure of my computer, and faced him squarely, ready for whatever followed.
Normally, when Will comes to talk to me, he either wants something or is going to confess something that I wish I didn’t have to hear. This time I decided not to jump to any conclusions and ask too many questions – instead, I was going to listen. And I listened and I listened. I smiled, I nodded, I grunted. But mostly, I listened. He had made a remarkable discovery! What was this remarkable revelation? “Life is complicated and full of wonder and amazing things. Where did life come from? Why do we sleep? How does our brain work? Why are there different languages and how did they evolve?” He rambled off these and other subjects, as if he’d just discovered the wheel.
Will didn’t want me to offer any feedback: he just wanted to share with me his marvelous realizations. I just sat there and patiently let him passionately express these extraordinary questions. After maybe 15 minutes, he didn’t need me anymore and jumped up and left to call his girlfriend and share with her what he’d just voiced.
Later, as we were all getting ready for bed, he came into our bedroom, where my wife was lying down reading, and I had just come in to get ready for bed. He leapt on our chaise lounge, fell off to the side, and scrambled up laughing at his clumsiness. He then proclaimed, “I love this family,” and proceeded to elaborate for a couple more minutes.
My wife and I actually wondered if Will had taken some drugs, as he seemed so high. But, he hadn’t, and was apparently just being a teenager — a teen enjoying the “wonder-full-ness” of life.
That is my point. The older we get, the more we forget the wonder of youth, the wonder of being a teenager — discovering new worlds to explore and the new ideas that we feel are just ours (okay, let’s hear the Star Trek theme now).
Being a teenager means discovering the world. I think adults, too often squash that sense of wonder with the desire to have our kids conform — to the sports we want them to play… to the colleges we want them to attend.
The job of parents is to introduce our children to the world, to give them exposure to as much as we can, and to allow them to choose their paths. I know that early in my parenting, I had ideas of what I wanted for my sons that were based on my own particular interests and desires. Fortunately, I got over that selfish instinct and ended up supporting my boys’ own interests and dreams. I know too many parents that are single-minded in pushing their kids in the directions that they think is best while not taking into consideration their kids’ interests, skills and desires.
I may have wanted my sons to be great skiers, or get into an Ivy League college, but now I want them to fulfill their own passions and find the same joy in what they do that I’ve been blessed to find in my writing. I urge you to do the same! That’s my Father’s Day reminder to myself, and my wish for all dads everywhere.
