We parents all want our kids to be successful, but it is important not to deny them the learning opportunities that mistakes and struggle can offer. We can support them by motivating them to keep at it without shielding them from their problems. Children internalize the encouragement they receive from their parents which allows them to have the courage to believe in their own abilities enough to persevere even when things are difficult.
Recognizing our children’s positive traits and effort may sound simplistic, yet it may be very different from the way we’re used to interacting with them. Instead of focusing on what they need to do better, we can point out and build on their strengths. By intervening too much and handling all their problems for them, we may be inadvertently communicating to our kids that we don’t believe they are capable enough to handle adversity with success.
To effectively encourage your kids, use the BANK method. Just as resources are invested for growth in a bank, this method will build a reserve of your child’s personal assets and help them to grow into a successful human being. Let’s take a look at the BANK breakdown:
Baby steps – Breaking up a challenging task into smaller, more manageable pieces can make the goal less daunting and allows the child to feel multiple successes along the way.
Acknowledge - Acknowledge your child’s efforts, perseverance and strengths so that you build confidence and motivation to take the next step.
Nudge – Nudge them to take the next step. The next step requires risk because with each new step there is the possibility of failure. Communicate your belief in their capabilities and let them know that they are unconditionally loved, regardless of their achievement.
Keep encouraging! – Encourage your child for improving and putting forth an effort. Focus on your child’s strength of character and what they learn along the way.
With each encouragement you deposit in the “BANK,” you strengthen your child’s resilience in facing life’s setbacks and challenges, which is a big factor in determining success.
