There is a different feeling in the air when the holidays roll around. We all have our holiday traditions and then there are the dynamics that go on with the family and friends. It can be an especially challenging time if you are the parent of a young person with a substance abuse problem. Whether you have a child in recovery or one that is still using, here are some tips to help make a better holiday experience for everyone.
1. Check Your Actions:
Alcohol is part of the festivities for many families but what kind of example does it set for a young person who has major issues with substances? It is important to remember that our children are watching us. It can sometimes be a very big deal when we remove alcohol from the festivities. When Lauren was newly sober, we removed all alcohol from our home. When we had parties during the holidays, we let familiy members know that we would be "alcohol free." At first there was a bit of outrage but eventually there was an acceptance and our decision was respected.
2. Manage Your Expectations:
There are a lot of expectations flying around during the holidays. We all want the good old days when everyone was together and happy. If your child is still using, he/she may even be absent for much of the celebrations and there is not much you can do about that. Another issue is that although they may be present, they are difficult to deal with. The truth is that we allow people to treat us certain ways and we do not have to accept verbal abuse or unacceptable behavior. I remember firmly telling (not yelling at) my daughter that I was her mother and it was not okay for her to talk to me that way...then walking away from the conversation.
If you have a newly sober young person, they probably have their own holiday agenda. My daughter wanted to hang with her program friends during her first sober holiday. I was a little sad but I was grateful for the time I did spend with her and knew that she was taking care of herself by putting her sobriety first.
3. Remember to Be Good to Yourself:
The holidays are times of added stress with all the busyness and dynamics that go on. It is so important for us to take time out to be good to ourselves. A warm bath with some lit candles is always high on the list. Pick out a couple of novels and make some time to enjoy them. Make sure you spend some time with supportive people who can be there for you to remind you that you will get through this. I personally will be attending my 12 Step meetings for families of addicts to help me to keep my balance and perspective and to learn from other families how they are coping with their holiday situations. The holidays may not be exactly what we want them to be right now but they can be enjoyable if we are willing to do things a little differently, accept the way things are and take some time to pamper ourselves.
By Karen Franklin, Valley Mom and Author of Addicted Like Me
